my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
