I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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