Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
