I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
