i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
