I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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