Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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