Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
