The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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