she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I currently don't understand fingers.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
