jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
