I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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