dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
