He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
