I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
