did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
