I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize