Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
