I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
