Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
