i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
