Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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