it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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