Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
