Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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