i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
