i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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