remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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