we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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