drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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