Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
