covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
