this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
