He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
