remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
