that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
