I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
