Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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