my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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