I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
