Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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