i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
