3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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