Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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