he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
