she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize