remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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