We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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