I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
