Need sex. Gaining weight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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