I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We got so high we made milksteak
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
