i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize