I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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