two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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