he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
