after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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