I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
