Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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