Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You pole danced in your parka.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
