dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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