I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
