..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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