i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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