life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
