The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize